Or So He Said

How to indicate speakers

I still see memes with long lists of said-bookisms. Even though the memes don’t accumulate enough to write a book, I think I shall discuss the gentle art of attributing speech to characters.

A “said book” is a book simply consisting of a long list of synonyms you can use for “said.” In the sense that using the term does not actually make the sentence grammatically incorrect, not that it’s a good idea, nor even that the term actually makes sense in context.

On the whole, the word “said” is all but invisible. You have to really belabor it to make it noticeable to the reader, generally in dialog-heavy passages. But for those passages -

The first rule, if you choose to alter the term, is that you must not use any word that is not actually a synonym for “said.” This rules out

“That’s unexpected,” he frowned.

You can not “frown” anything audibly.

If it’s important that the readers know he’s frowning while he says it, you need

Frowning, he said, “That’s unexpected.”

If it’s not so important, you can hang it in sentence before or after. (More on action tags later.)

On the actual synonyms, it’s wise to be chary, because a passage of dialog with only the “said” changed out in every single line draws attention even more blatantly than using “said” in every one. Still, the synonyms have their uses.

On the whole, it’s better to favor those that describe something a viewpoint character could experience directly. Which is to say,

“That’s unexpected,” he whispered.

works better than

“That’s unexpected,” he answered.

A viewpoint character can hear the whisper, but “answer” is a logical deduction of intent from its position in the conversation.

Still, play it by ear. There’s times when even the synonym that describes intent fits the passage better.

Hanging an adverb on the “said” can also shake things up a bit to avoid monotony, but do not do this except when the adverb is useful in itself. In

“That’s unexpected,” he said slowly.

the adverb also conveys his tone, and adds some conviction to his words.

Sometimes, especially in passages where there are two speakers, you can just omit it. It’s important not to confuse the reader about who’s speaking, though.

“I checked the third engine,” said Joan.

“How’s it doing?” said Horatio.

“Running a bit rough.”

“That’s a possible problem. I checked the supplies, and we’re a bit low on the lubricant.”

Having one character address another can also work:

“Horatio, what’s the reading?” said Joan.

“That’s unexpected. It’s exactly what it was an hour ago.”

Now, characters in fiction address each other by name much more than would be realistic in real life. That such references can also clue readers in what the names are, and who is where is another influence. Still, don’t overdo it; it’s invisible only for small amounts of unrealistic use.

The real workhorse of the said-substitutes is the action tag. The character does something before, after, or while speaking. This not only clues the reader into the speaker, it grounds the speech, making it seem like it takes place somewhere real.

The convention is that paragraphs hold not only the speech of a character, but his actions.

“That’s unexpected.” John scowled.

links the tag and the speech, where

“That’s unexpected.”

John scowled.

“Well, it is.”

in a two-person situation tags the other character as the speaker as clearly as if John had said something.

If it’s important that the readers know that the speech and the action occur simultaneously, the action tag by itself does not work because it’s a separate sentence. You must hang it off “said” or one of its synonyms.

“That’s unexpected,” John said while turning some gauges.

Emphasis may call for

While turning some gauges, John said, “That’s unexpected.”

Or even

John turned some gauges, saying, “That’s unexpected.”

One place where greater care than usual is needed is when you mix up the page by adding actions from characters, or things, that aren’t speaking. This is not to say it’s unwise. It adds greater conviction and realism to the setting. If there’s a moment of silence, what the character actually experiences will be the bird song outside, the ticking of the clock, or the breeze and the way the sunlight on the carpet vanishes and returns as the breeze blows a cloud by. A writer can even chose those for symbolic elements -- but he does have to return to the issue of telling who said what, using one, or all, of these techniques.

Using any one of these for too long in a passage heavy with dialog will draw attention to it. Mix ‘em up and let them make the page less monotonous.