Rules For The Land of Fairy Tales, Part II

Wise To Be Wary

If you ever find yourself in the land of fairy tales, be wise. Be wary. If you do not fall under Part I¹’s rules, you may fall under these. (And follow up with Part III²!)

Daughters/Single Women

I will never ever urge my father to marry a specific woman and make her my stepmother.   

Especially not if she urges me to murder my mother or even my current stepmother.    Yes, things CAN get worse.

If I am not an only child, I will marry whomever my father offers my hand to.   

Even if I am an only child, I will marry whatever beast or more peculiar thing that my father agrees to.    Especially if the bridegroom paid off my father's debts.   

However, if I am an only child, and my father goes to marry me off with great carelessness, or worse yet, to himself, I will demand three marvelous dresses and a strange coat that will disguise me, and then run away.   

If I refuse all my suitors, I will ask my father for wheat and sugar and things and make a bridegroom before my father marries me off to the first beggar.    Or worse, a bridegroom who appears suitable shows up.    (A bandit, ogre, or tiger at best -- but normally the Devil.)

I will not express a desire for a specific trait in a bridegroom.    Good or bad or indifferent.    I also will not say that I will take whatever husband fate brings, even one who is -- whatever.

I will listen when my mother says to stay on the trail.

I will remember disguises and not trust strange peddlers who come to the door.    Or for that matter, beggars.    Only beggars I meet on the road are trustworthy, and I should give them what they ask for.

I will set out to seek my fortune and be nice to everyone along the way.

When my stepmother sends me out on an impossible task, or to marry Father Frost, I will be extra polite to everyone on the way.

I will keep all promises to frogs.

I will not steal fruit from a witch's garden.

I will not trust wolves.    (Fine for princes, not for me.)

When trees, stoves, cows, and other such creatures ask for my help, I will give it.

I will keep track of time at the ball to leave before midnight.

I will show up when the prince is looking for someone to put on the shoe, and so skip the botheration with my (step)sisters.    (Though I won't blame myself if they lock me in the cellar or whatnot.)

When I am locked in a tower and waiting to escape, I will tell the prince to cut my hair short; we will climb down it.   

I will be nice to everyone at the household where I am working as a servant.    I will not make the daughter of the house wait while I finish a task.

Sisters

If a robber catches me and threatens me to try to get me to find out the secret of my brother's strength, I will tell my brother, not try to do it.

Older Sisters

If my younger sister asks for something odd when our father goes on a journey, and it works out well for her, I will not resort to attacking her beloved.    Or her.

On the other hand, I will not try to substitute for her when the monstrous bridegroom shows up; he'll know I'm not her if birds have to let him in the secret.

If my younger sister is so beautiful that no one will marry me when she's around, I will parade her around in hopes of getting it over with.

If my sister married the king, and I had an inferior marriage, I will not conspire to make her look like she gave birth to animals.

I will do my share of the household work.

Younger Sisters

If I ask my father for something odd as a gift when he goes on a journey, the odds are that my resulting bridegroom will be rather -- odd.    So I will either not ask or take the bridegroom peaceably.

I will never ever be the first one to greet our father.    Indeed, I will make sure that he's greeted by some kind of dog or cat first.

Sons/Single Men

If I am traveling with my widowed mother, and I clean out a den of robbers, and we live there, and she starts acting strangely -- one robber survived and got to her in my absence.

If I am a man who finds a woman's feather cloak without which she can not turn back into a bird, I will hand it back at once.    She might be grateful, and the other way ends badly.

When instructed to stay awake to meet the princess I am going to marry, I am not going confide in anyone, let alone ask their help.

When a helpful animal asks me to cut off its head, I'll remember how good its advice has been before.

I will be polite to talking animals and dwarves I meet on the way.

A frog who can keep house is a princess in disguise.

If my horse can talk, I will listen.    As when it advises me that bringing the firebird's feather to the Tsar will only cause trouble.

If I sail as a merchant, salt makes an excellent cargo.    So do cats.

If I and some other men are living in a house in the wilderness, and one of us keeps house while the others go out to work, and a strange little figure comes and beats me up, I will tell the others.    Admittedly, it will only spare me being laughed at when the one who beats him figures it out, but that's something.

I will be careful not to spill or break any poor woman's pot.    Especially not as a joke.

I will not laugh my head off at an ogress's tumbling head over heels.

If an old woman says she is afraid of my companion animals and wants them tied up -- even with a hair -- I won't do it.    She's a witch, and I'll need their help.

If an old woman gives me some kind of fruit and tells me not to break it open except near water, I will not break it open in the middle of the desert.

I will not try to cut off the head of an already dead dragon without verifying that it still has its tongue.   

I will not throw the princess's successful suitor overboard.    He won't drown.

Brothers

When my sister advises me not to drink water that will turn me into an animal, I will listen.

I will not let my new wife abuse my still unmarried sister.    Especially if she started claiming that my sister killed our beasts.    That always ends with her killing our baby to frame the sister.

Older Brothers

As an older brother, I will not rob, maim, or murder my youngest brother.    It always ends badly.   

I won't even abuse him for being stupid or small, even if it's true.    ESPECIALLY not if it's true.

I will not tell off any odd or peculiar creatures I find along the way.

I will not injure animals I find along the way out of spite.

If my brother explains to me that his success came from overhearing a gathering of animals at a specific location and time, I won't go there this year.    At best, they will have realized they had been overheard and not talk secrets; at worst, they will have realized they had been overheard and search for spies, which will end painfully for me.

I can, however, offer to cut off the head of the talking animal that helped my brother, if it's asking for it, and my brother can't bring himself to do it.

Youngest Brothers

When the fox who told me how to succeed in the quests, tells me not to associate with my older brothers, I will listen.

Listening to the talking fox's advice the first time is good.    Even better is listening the second, or the third.

If a dwarf who punished my arrogant older brothers warns me to not ask for their freedom, I won't.

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