Rules For The Land of Fairy Tales, Part III

Wise To Be Wary

If you ever find yourself in the land of fairy tales, be wise. Be wary. If you do not fall under Part I’s¹ rules or Part II’s², you may fall under these.

Step-/Half-Siblings

I will stay on good terms with my step or half sibling, whatever my mother thinks.    Ideally, I will find out my mother's plot and give warning in time, so we can run away and escape.    Failing that, once her plot succeeds, I will set out to seek my fortune with my step/half sibling so we can break the effect of the plot.

If my stepbrother and I fall in love, and my stepmother sends him away to stop us, I will chase after him at once.

If my stepsister has gold and flowers falling from her mouth because she behaved politely to a stranger, I will not be such a fool as to imitate her.    But if I do, I will do it all the way.    In particular, I will be polite to people who don't look like the ones in her story.

Newly Weds

If I discover the skin of my shape-shifting beloved, I'm stuck.    Burn it, and it turns out that I needed to leave it alone to break to curse -- OR I just broke the curse.    I hope someone tells me to burn it -- that will tell me exactly what I need to know, namely DON'T DO IT.

When I, as king, marry a peasant's clever daughter, I will not tell her not to meddle.    I will urge on her that it is better for all concerned if the peasants respect me, so she should use some subtlety in pointing out problems.

If at all possible, we will execute the stepmother at the wedding.    Otherwise, she will just turn up again when we have a baby.

I will not go into the room where my wife/husband told me not to.

If my wife tells me not to go into a room, and I do, and the person there begs for water or the like, I won't give it.

If my husband advises me to stay inside while he's gone, and an old woman tries to lure me out into the garden, I will stay put and not talk to her afterward.

Kings

I will woo my bride myself.    If a servant does it, odds are good that the bride will fall in love with him instead.

I will not try to send away a husband on impossible tasks to take his beautiful bride.

If one character claims that another, or others, boasted of being able to do something, I will ask about and see if anyone else heard the boast.

I will not ask anyone to perform a task that involves bringing a lot of carnivorous beasts toward me.

If people vanish and are never seen again in a section of woods, I will issue orders not to trespass.

If I betroth myself to a beautiful woman far off, I will send her attendants for her journey to me.    In particular, they will be ordered never to let her be left alone with her stepmother and stepsister, or even any servant from her native land.    There's no other way to ensure that the bride presented will be the one promised.

If my brother or my servant helps me win my bride and then starts acting erratically, he knows of some danger to me and is under a spell so he can't tell me.

General Villains

If someone describes my crime and asks what sort of punishment is fit for it, I will not take confidence in their being ignorant just because they don't name me.    I will urge clemency.

If I order my servants to kill someone and bring back evidence, I will tell them to bring back not the tongue or eyes or heart or hands -- but the head.

If I can change shape, and a cat suggests it would be really impressive if I turned into a mouse, I will ignore him.

When extracting a promise from the hero that he will never tell what I did to him and how I usurped his place, I will not even mention whom he might tell it to.    Just that he must promise never to tell it.    Nor will I add any condition, even so long as his life lasts.

Wizard Villains

I will remember all the magic that my daughter or servant knows and bring along means to deal with it, rather than have to go back each time and give her and the boy more time to escape.

If my daughter can change shapes of herself and the boy, I will chase them myself at once; the servants won't recognize them.

The boy who claims that he can't read, and the boy who claims to be stuck on a lesson, are both lying and will soon be able to use magic against me.

If I have captured the hero in horse form, I will not be conspicuously cruel on the way home, for fear that a servant at the inn will have pity on the beast.

I will not let any of my horses -- especially transformed princes -- talk to my latest captive/servant boy.

If the third sister asks that I bring back a trunk or such thing to her family, regardless of what she says it is -- provisions or gold or laundry -- it's her dead sister, brought back to life.    Especially if she does it twice, to get both sisters out.

Talking Animals

I will not tell anyone of a curative salve, or anything really, that requires part of my body.

I will also lay down the rule that we don't talk about such things even when we are sure no one is eavesdropping.

If I'm a goat, when I warn my children to not let the wolf in, I will add that when I return, I will tell them something specific so they know it's me.    The wolf's too good at disguise.

If I am a kid and my mother the goat told me not to let the wolf in, I will not keep telling the wolf what it's doing wrong to trick me.

If I am a horse, I will talk to my master and establish that I'm his magical helper, before he feeds me to the wolf and the wolf gets that role.

Mysterious Human-Like Figures

If I can help the heroine by spinning or any such thing, I will ask to be a guest at the wedding, not for her first-born.

Servants

I will not try to murder the bride en route to the wedding, to substitute myself or my daughter.

If I see what appears to be my reflection in a pool of water, and it's too beautiful, I will realize that there is someone else there and not let it go to my head.    In particular I will not murder or transform that person.   

If I am sent with someone out into the woods, with orders to kill that person, I won't do it.    Killing a random animal will give proof just as well as anything else.

If I am in charge of a princess in a tower, I will not, however much she begs, break the tower even in the slightest.

If the princess asks me if I eat the same food as she does, I will say that of course I do.    I will not mention any such thing as a bone.

If the prince must not hear of love until he is grown up, and I am in charge of educating and distracting him, I will not teach him the language of the birds, however well it works as a distraction.    The first thing I know, a dove will coo all the secrets of love to him

Bystanders

If someone comes by with a magical item or three, I will not steal it. The last theft always ends badly.    (The only exception is if I find some people fighting over such items.  I can trick them into letting me use them and run off.    Also, that means I'm the hero.)

Everyone

Remember to check carefully whether you are in the land of fairy tales, or folklore about fairies, or legends. The rules differ. A lot.

Never ever ever tell anyone the secret of your powers. In particular, never explain to anyone that you have magical items, let alone how to work them.

If a mysterious messenger tells me to tell someone I've never heard of that someone else I've never heard of is dead, I will go tell my cat; the message is for it.

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